So You Think That Was Good Do You?

hello and welcome to another episode of so you think that was good to you a
podcast where we take a look back at the films from your childhood and question the absurdity of their universes this
week we watched the 1997 classic Men In Black starring Tommy Lee Jones and keep
my wife's name out of your goddamn mouth Smith my name is Evan and as always I'm
joined by Sam and Carl Episode number 30 boys a lovely download Milestone this
week how you both doing oh I've been higher energy yeah I'll be honest
this is I mean technically this is day three of attempting this isn't it [Laughter]
you're not wrong yeah so to explain our low energy altitude up front we saw each
other this weekend uh we do not all live in the same place so we we met up where you live son it was a trek it was a bit
bit too much drinking yeah we failed to record in person uh oh yeah I couldn't do it yesterday
tried to put it off again today but here we are always seems like a good idea to drink during the movie yeah never is no
but you know let's see how this turns out here we go Carl you've not said anything I need to
know how you're doing I'm sober for this one and that is just not feeling right mate I drank too
much with you too and I wanted to take a couple of days off yes I've drank so much I'm done drinking now I pulled a
Mrs mum from Nightmare on Elm Street I'm done lovely Look Away through to the
other side cheers shall we get started as usual with a plot synop
please they're the best kept secret in the universe working for a highly funded
yet unofficial government agency K and J are the Men in Black providers of
immigration services and Regulators of all things alien on Earth while investigating a series of unregistered
Close Encounters the MIB agents uncovered the deadly plot of an Intergalactic terrorist who is on a
mission to assassinate two ambassadors from opposing galaxies currently in Residence in New York City I suppose
that's the movie I watched not the [ __ ] movie I watched that's about half the movie I watched
I feel like it's remarkable that it's such kind of a memorable and popular movie when so much of the plot goes can
at least completely over my head is all that stuff about ambassadors of different plan I can't remember that
it's just a big old cockroach man yeah Edgar kills those two aliens but the movie wasn't about those
well it was kind of a another little yeah with the tiny nibbles yeah the actual driver for the plot gets shoved
pretty far to the side oh yeah we can't let people know it's a cockroach man already mystery human assailant for sure
like he's got the the funniest shoes on that's all you need to know from there okay I'm sorry for everyone listening
who I've just spoiled the first third of the film for if you haven't seen it probably stop listening here but to
avoid any more brutal spoilers like that shall I dive into the plot ah yes take
us through bit by bit wonderful we open with a very long opening credit
scene of a bad CGI dragonfly sort of swooping around swooping around
the credits uh and I think smashing into the front of a truck I didn't remember this by the way from my childhood
watching this now there are three opening scenes to this movie each one establishing a different character but
all acting as the opening to the movie that the movie could have began at any point and then continued on to K being
introduced exactly first seat for a movie with so many opening scenes I think this incredibly unnecessary one
probably could have been skipped um but yeah following the opening scene we get the opening scene
okay I don't think we know his name's K yet but it is Tommy Lee Jones and his
phenomenally old partner yes agent D which must stand for agent
dementia because he does not know what is going on
should not be A.D that is a BC for sure
thank you so the the two agents that we're sort of
partially introduced to drive up to a border patrol traffic stop which is taking place and they are there's a
bunch of cops that are arresting some what we assume to be illegal immigrants
then two blokes drive up in suits and say hi we're from this division that
you've never heard of we'll take it from here and the cops despite not believing a word of this
just stand aside and go oh I guess we have to do that now because
we were told to by people in suits so they go up to the line and they identify the one that we will soon find out is an
alien and they drag him off to the side of the road they take him about
I don't know 20 meters off the side of the road away not far enough the civilians absolutely not far enough it
was a very short walk I mean to be fair the partner needs to take a Zimmer frame with it
but they take him off the side of the road and cut open the fake human body to
reveal this Mikey the alien holding an animated head on a stick what seems like
quite a civilized alien hey Mikey the boy hey Mikey yeah
it's quite a civilized friendly-ish alien for now um sees that one of the police has taken
the three steps off the side of the road to see what was going on and charges him
screaming yeah and we get this kind of it's sort of like a Monty Python and the
Holy Grail level of running and screaming oh it goes off it's important
because it emphasizes agent dementia having forgotten where he was and why he's there because he does not grab his
gun and K is waiting for him to do that but he's looking around for a signpost to remind him where he is absolutely
agent D has fallen and he can't get up and he's sort of fumbling around until K
just takes on himself gets his gun out blasts the alien into a pile of properly
90s goop uh yeah and 10 minutes into this movie and we've ticked all the boxes for the
quotas that movies were made for at this point which is have a bug themed opening and bad guy and goop
good quote is filled already yeah oh yeah so anyway they uh obviously the
police have seen the alien now and all the goop which is clearly not of this world so they get a cleanup team in and
K goes up and pulls out the memory wiper I didn't catch the name of this the
neuralizer neuralizer that's the one got it that's because you are looking at it when it flashed mate oh
thank you very good
but speaking of looking at it I did I had a little little re-watch before recording and I paused on when it zoomed
in on the neuralize because I wanted to see what the buttons were on the back so he holds it up and he flashes the police's memory away the when they zoom
in on the buttons that it's got three dials on it and they they're listed as minutes hours and weeks which first of
all weird jump to make yeah but secondly the weeks dial just has days of the week
written on it yes so no again you can go back and check this
so you can set minutes and hours or you can pick a day of the week that but kind
of memory I guess will be reset to can I lose the last most recent hour and the
previous Tuesday all at once I think so is that how that works let's do two at once I mean it's it's
hours minutes and weeks and at the end of the film jumping ahead Will Smith takes off 35 years of this guy's life so
God knows how many times he had to flash him back to last Tuesday okay says that it's years months days
um at the end of the film yeah because when we were together Carl you said so you can the minimum you can do is a day
which is insane yeah yeah um he says that at the end of the film
he says it's days months and years which makes me think that that's what he thinks but it is and he's going around
flashing 10 minutes off people's lives and thinking that he's taken off days or
weeks everyone's going around like I don't really know what how I got stood right here but did you see all those
aliens that was mad so I met this alien there's a 10 minute period in which I
can't remember what happened laughs yeah so that's my head Cannon he's got
absolutely no idea how this thing works it's like yeah it's like he's been exposed to it too many times and it's
just [ __ ] with his head oh anyway so he he flashes the policeman flashes a
couple seconds off them and then turns that's a crime and yeah
um but luckily they've forgotten and then he flashes his partner as well yes his partner realized that he's too
old to do a job and asks to be flashed uh who as you've already said completely
unnecessary this guy has a 10 second memory foreign
what do they do with him at that point do they just leave him in the desert or do they just have to drive him back and
keep flashing this old man who's lost 50 years of memory
like 10 seconds ago I was 35 years old
and now I'm an old man in a desert yeah I'd love to see the next scene with
him in it but unfortunately we don't I think most likely he's he's been put out
to pasture oh my God those were the exact words in my head just now son
great minds think alike yeah we've got a good chemistry
about no so so he wiped his partner's memory and
then we cut to the opening of the film which is Will Smith being a rogue cop
he's a rogue cop and he's chasing down a guy who looked at his wife wrong
[Laughter] who it turns out is an alien dressed up as a one the Backstreet Boys and we can
tell he's a cop because of his cop uniform here yeah we can tell that he's a cop because he's wearing some sort of
weird jumpsuit wrapped around his weight like what the [ __ ] a bright orange jumpsuit right orange jumpsuit it looks
like it's the opposite of what cops wear yeah you're only opposite of a policeman he
just dressed like the only clothes he has are the ones he takes off of people he arrests
you know maybe it is because this guy looks like one of the Backstreet Boys and in the next scene I'm pretty sure
he's wearing some insane multi-colored like I don't even know what to call it
when he puts on the last suit he'll ever wear he's just happy for more free clothes I reckon
he's a full-on scavenger but he's chasing this guy who is an alien and who
jumps off a building after doing a weird blink so obviously an alien yeah what I love about
the opening of this is they for far too long from here need to have him just not
believing that aliens exist yeah yeah so this guy just scaled a building and
jumped off a bridge and all this fine but it was the little blink where he goes something not quite right with you
and just go you literally watched the guy Sprint up the side of a building yeah and without having a job which is a
completely evidence-based approach to work it takes him far too long to finally be convinced that aliens are
real he does have an inkling that something's off so he speaks to the fellow police I guess who seem to have
no respect for him can't imagine why he goes to police station explains his story and then K shows up and he takes
him off to the jewelry store they walk into the jewelry store together the guy
who's running it is I mean it doesn't look like an alien but we find out that he okay he's a bit funny looking yeah
not inhuman until K blows his head off and with a gun and well obviously with a
gun [Music] about that he blows his head off and then with what
immediately grows back with a trumpet
and it immediately grows back and like he retained his memory he's talking it's
like a weird little rat head that grows back to normal in about five seconds if you had this power you would not be
hiding out as a dodgy jewelry store guy you I mean I don't know what you'd be
[ __ ] superhero super villain something well Kate does then say I will
shoot you where it doesn't grow back which implies it's only his his head that grows back it's oh his head that
grows back pretty crap super villain you have to go around in just full body armor except the head if you had to pick
one body part that would grow back if it got shot off this is the game this week it's been so
long since we did one of those well I feel like the obvious pick is we're all gonna say is Dick right
I think I'd probably go ahead but yeah I was going to say Evan's dick okay we'll
all choose Evan's dick foreign [Music]
[Laughter] anyway uh I I did actually skip a bit by
the way we skipped a bit where you have a third opening to the movie yeah the the next scene was the uh the opening to
the film where the UFO lands in this abusive husband's uh front garden on his truck while he's
busy verbally abusing his wife and he heads out to have a look at what's going on and then this uh quite articulate
exploded cockroach takes over his body basically climbs into his skin and then he heads back in the house with this
kind of like oh I mean God the makeup on him is fantastic the makeup is
incredible oh yeah Vincent VD does an incredible job here he's the standout in
this movie later on and it's all hanging off him the way he moves and he gets out of the
car it's awesome he's amazing what they did right from the start though to make
it look like it is his skin being worn I do not understand no no I don't surely it's not CGI it's
going to be practical I mean we saw that we saw the fly from earlier it's not CGI yeah
um yeah they do an amazing job you're right we do need to dwell on this a little bit uh both in the initial scene
where it's like we've just seen this guy we know what he looks like and now he looks the same except he's got sort of
his skin just doesn't fit right yeah and there's a bit where his wife points it
out and he grabs the skin by the hair and pulls it tight yeah that's a very
beautiful yeah and it's genuinely good CGA yeah and just then going through the
film The Makeup they do to make that skin rot off him more and more yeah
that's really steady like it's really like a gradual change every scene you see him in he's a bit more [ __ ] up his
body's failing him a little bit more Sam you propose doing this for one of our spoopy season episodes I assume that the
cockroach is why because by the end of this he's terrifying yeah specifically
one scene at the end of the film is why it's the hands on your head scene but we
will get to that yeah yeah that's what's stuck in my head disgusting nice
but we got a couple more opening scenes to get through foreign [Music]
K has wiped Will's memory now I don't actually know what Will Smith's
character's name is Jay I mean it's not J at the moment I'm going to get into that in a second
don't you worry I've got a random prepared excellent um but for now his name's Will Smith so Will Smith that
gets shortened to Jay so K wipes his memory but leaves him with a card saying
here go to this interview tomorrow he kind of creates that his fake backstory but it's not what that card says no oh
okay and that is it the most useless business
card of all time he had to write the address off the back also I the very
nature of the Men in Black means you don't have business cards why would you in what other situation does he need
that not only they have business cards they've got a professional logo yeah pretty good who's who's on the marketing
team of Men In Black who's the poor receptionist who got in a hundred
thousand business cards and someone went [ __ ] the address wasn't putting these do you mind just writing it on
[Laughter] so yeah we've got I mean look we we
already know that previously K and D soon to be J and K are the only agents
that are active in this company right okay now we're talking about the staff this is a good good moment for part one
of my rant excellent I need to address address the K and J thing so the agents
names are chosen presumably based on the first letter of the person's name who joins Men In Black because Will Smith's
character's name is James and Kay's name is Kevin but they surely we don't have
multiple agent J's agent K's and all of that that becomes confusing so they can only have a maximum of 26 agents at any
time and the way the names are written down a K and J actually with an A and Y in them
which means all of the other agents should be a b c d e a it's in the game
and Faye and so on and so it really annoyed me that when we got to meet
agent Zed his name is an agent Zay what annoyed me was when got spoiler Jay
gets the job we will go through it but when when they when they're adding him
to the database we see his full first middle and last name written out but it
can't have already been in the database so someone sat there typed out his entire name then just started pressing
the backspace over and over again until they got like they couldn't work out the first letter of his name unless they
typed the whole thing out I mean that yeah so that is the case I
suppose we got to assume that they pull it off some secret database of everyone presumably exists but what that's not
the thing that annoyed me about that scene the thing that annoyed me is they backspace backspace backspace backspace
all the way through his full name that they've written out then they delete the J yeah and then they write it again but
you always do that don't you you hold backspace too long it deletes more than you want and you're gonna do it again
this is a secret group I assume how much can they really have on him when they're
saying everything you knew about you is now gone forget it all it's all gone so surely their database is just the
alphabet it's just a list Saying A B C D A to Z brother just a to z
26 lines long I'll go check the database there you are hosting fees super cheap
that's great um so yeah we've jumped ahead a touch
but let's get back to so he's been given a virtually useless business card with
an address written on it uh he shows up and it turns out that it's an interview so he walks into the room with no idea
what's going on sits down in those iconic chairs oh eggs yes no I think I
think you mean Ikea I wish there were Eye Care I'd get them
no I wouldn't no the people who made those regretted putting them in the movie when they were shown to be the
most uncomfortable chairs ever made so he sits down the chair and he gets given he gets kind of not really briefed on
where he is or why he's there it's a very secretive interview they're told that they're the best of the best of the
best and then they're handed a piece of paper uh he immediately snaps his pen in half by accident then tries to write
while holding both halves of the pen that annoyed me just throw away the top half and use the bottom half but anyway and
so to get to this point something I think that's important to note is that K has just wiped Jay's memory of all the
alien stuff that has just occurred and Jay has turned up to this building with only the information on the on the
business card it's no [ __ ] wonder that I three agents are active at the
26th are allowed to have and also everybody else in the building must be
HR trying to interview people who have absolutely no knowledge of why they're there because that building's full of
people I don't say it it is full of people there's people typing like some are doing like uh immigration with you
know um custom stuff and things like that but there's plenty of people at desks none of them have any idea why
they're there they've woken up there the last 40 odd years missing they'll get flashed again at the end of the day
um so we're back okay back to the interview they've filled in the written test which we don't know what was
involved in that and then they get taken through uh into a gun range uh no
epilepsy warning here the way that they test all these agents is they put a load of uh cardboard cutouts of aliens in
front of them flick the light switch on on and off as quick as they can and then
get them to all shoot then after that test they bring up the lights and they
round on Will Smith it turns out the only the cutouts that he shot was a
little girl who he shot Square between the eyes ignore ignoring all the aliens
and his argument is that all of them were just hanging out none of them were
posing any threat they're just like one of them's up there just working out one of them stood at the side he looks like
he might look a bit aggressive but it just looks like he's hurt him you know yeah and I thought it was nice of Will
Smith to make a point about how if someone hasn't actually causing you any
harm there's no need to attack them oh
didn't see that one coming but yeah I mean in the context of this
movie Universe he is right isn't he sort of um I don't know I don't I don't know
if the little girl needed shooting but what I mean is he was the only one of the people there who thought at all the
rest just saw aliens and shot yes okay from that point of view yeah I absolutely agree with you
which wouldn't be the best first day if one of them were picked no it would have been a bad first day
although to be fair if he'd walked into the office and someone had brought their daughter to work and he shot them shot
with those girls maybe not the best first day for him either she was just in a quantum
mechanics homework [Laughter] ah but he does he does pass he shoots
little girl and therefore gets the job so K shows up all the rest of them get their memories wiped God knows how much
memory they lose nobody knows how to work those things they've either Lost Years or seconds or just a Tuesday or
just they're just back on Tuesday yeah so he gets walked uh
I can remember Wednesday to Monday or Tuesdays
every Tuesday I've ever had is gone I had an interview for the Men in Black on Friday I know that Tuesday God
just woke up with this business card in my pocket and an address I suppose I better head over there
just showing up every day oh so they all get take aside will get uh walked down a
corridor by K who explains the back story of Men In Black slash division six to him and says yeah aliens are about
and we're here to manage that uh will doesn't believe him
no he says that's [ __ ] he says it's [ __ ] and then K opens up the door to
go and get a coffee and shows him the what they call the worms I think so yeah
the little cheerful little worm aliens that are getting the coffee and and then
proves to him that the aliens do exist yeah they get more screen time at number two I think both them and Frank are kind
of glossed over in this one them and Frank I think are the best yeah yeah most memorable characters so yeah it's
it's a shame they don't get more screen time in this but yeah they're just they just serve to prove to him that aliens
exist here and then after that bit of a shark he takes in sits him on a bench somewhere I think
sitting down on a bench and gives him the kind of the real briefing what the job is what he's going to do and then K
says right yeah you've got 24 hours to decide if you want to you got 24 hours to decide I'll see you tomorrow well Jay
asks uh whether or not it's worth it and Kay says um oh yeah absolutely you know
every day is worth it what is worth it about working at the Men in Black you don't remember any of it at the end or
have any life you just released out onto the street he says it's absolutely worth it and then what three days later oh
yeah thing and says please erase the last 35 years of my life I'm miserable
to be fair it's understandable that he could be lying to him here because we find out that K is trying to replace
himself with Jay the whole time which I guess makes sense now to be fair we've
all been there in job interviews yeah oh it's great here people are so friendly better black kids run like every
wetherspoons ever friendly team we all hang out outside of
work it's awesome uh we're a really Dynamic and ambitious team I think it's
better to replace the last guy I left no you're replacing me I'm going now yeah this is your second day but you're a
supervisor now please erase my memory [Laughter]
and now Will Smith sits on a bench for eight hours straight well so he says
that to him and then Will Smith sits there on the bench for the full eight 12
hours like a [ __ ] Skyrim character's son is a day cycle
progresses absolutely ridiculous he's got nothing better to do he still has a job
cut to agent D wandering around the streets not knowing what's going on a
confused homeless old man walks past him yeah if well this is a Marvel movie because and then Men In Black spy Marvel
isn't it this would be Stan Lee's scene if he'd done that character exactly where am I
they used to fight aliens you know of course you did of a penny old man
buy yourself a sandwich the next day he does head into the office because he's convinced so he
heads into Men In Black office through the insanely huge fans don't
know why they're there but okay he walks through a massive air conditioner basically and goes up the elevator into
the offices which I like whoever was the architect the designer of these offices
they designed them like an Apple Store sort of
weird Warehouse really strange aesthetic but he goes through and he sees kind of
alien Customs weird aliens being kind of checked in and Kaye explains to him that
Men In Black makes its money by owning patents for microwaves and liposuction
yeah he shows off this amazing new knowledge
by showing us what will eventually play CDs when they release it a much smaller
CD oh that's crazy isn't it a smaller disc yeah that's the kind of most
high-tech that's the most high-tech thing they could think of except for a bouncy ball
just a really bouncy ball see
this is just the entire way they've decided they do their training in Men In Black it just seems to be will tell you
when you [ __ ] up yeah oh yeah and then we'll have a go at you because the first thing he's told when he arrives is all
the training you've had means [ __ ] all now and then there's no training don't
expect any for this also I'm quitting at the end of the day
just do do what you want and if you mess up I'll tell you off yeah if you smash the office up I'll let
you know no induction video nothing no no no contract so you've decided to join
the Men in Black it's like a family here we work hard we play hard
great progression opportunities [Music] charging a week
oh so then K is showing him around the office and showing him the inventions
showing him that celebrities are aliens and they have kind of this random selection of 90s celebrities who are all
apparently aliens saw a couple on there yeah apparently there were there were 1500 aliens on the planet and apparently
most of them are in Hollywood that's convenient isn't it one was George Lucas one was Sylvester Stallone Spielberg
and I didn't catch any of those the one that was a geography teacher Hollywood wasn't for her
one teacher who they have a live stream of like the others seemed like they were just they happened to be on TV so they
had a stream of them but they had a live stream in front of This Woman's face I think we're about to prove that Men In
Black has a live stream of everyone because Kay is about to watch the woman he might have once loved very quickly
soon it's yeah it's it's in a little while but he uh he does anyway next
scene is him getting the suit really built a lot of build up to will getting
this suit it's just a plain black suit they look cheap too because they got that shininess to them
it's not great it's kind of like a Primark suit probably got nicer suits off people he's arrested it oh it is
better than anything he's worn so far a horrific wardrobe in this movie I'm sure
they did all that so it would juxtapose the all black suit that he's wearing now and that was meant to mean something to
us but it's just nice not to be assaulted visually
um right right so then finally he gets his full name arrayed down to just Jay
and finally now he's Jay I can no longer call him will so we got J and K nice and
easy and Zay and day and he also he also
gets his fingerprints melted off which seems like a mild annoyance to him that would definitely hurt way more than it
seems to hurt him would he Drop That Bouncy Ball exactly a lot of stuff must slip out your hands once you've got your
fingerprints melted do you think that's what gives you grip
because I never thought about that I don't know um yeah surely the friction helps I mean
surely it's more helpful than just scars although actually questioning the knowledge in my brain right now I think
I currently I previously believe that we all have the tiny hairs on our hands like Toby Maguire inspired about 2002
yeah look before you'd even said that I think we were all thinking of that scene where
they zoom in on his fingers in Spider-Man and the weird little black hairs come out and it's like he's got
little black hairs he can climb walls now and we all thought wow is that is that
it is that all that stuff
anyway let's not get stuck on that better movie that arguably well we can
actually we can actually thank this movie for that movie existing can we yeah it was the success of this movie is
what made Marvel start offering out their other properties to be made into movies well there you go good bit of
Truth why have we got Spider-Man uh so we cut now to back to cockroach man and
he's spying on just some guy with a cat we don't really know anything other than
that while J and K go off on their sort of admin Mission it's a traffic stop uh
cockroach man follows this alien uh follows him to a cafe where he's meeting
up with another alien pretends to be one of the servers and then whips his uh I
don't know what it is spiked tail out and kills them somebody else in the cafe you would have thought would have
noticed but well I think they did uh because the waiter the biggest hero
in this movie who should absolutely be in Men In Black tries to stop Edgar after seeing him whip out the Scorpion
tail and stab it through both their throats just try to like hey bro you're not
going anywhere the problem is that that guy's name is John and they've already literally what
I was about to say [Laughter] I've been more than that this waiter our
cockroach waiter must have walked in grabbed one of the other waiters folded
him in half in public because that guy's not stowed away secretly yeah he was jammed in the things next to the kitchen
I would have loved to have seen that him getting folded you can't see that it's in The Rocketeer that's the only guy I
was trying to remember yeah where the folding had happened if the Rocket's here yeah our second
ever folding antagonist folds a man up
the full 180 degrees or whatever degrees that is zero degrees I don't know
doesn't matter doing full vember we're only watching movies where somebody gets folded
oh fantastic um so he kills he kills the guys the waiter tries to stop him and
he manages to push past him shockingly
step aside I will [ __ ] fold you
can't fold all of us hold me now and I'll become more
powerful than you can imagine [Laughter]
scene it's we have the meeting between the aliens before he kills them and in
the original they spoke the original cut they were just speaking I was gonna say inhuman but I'll just say in English but
they decided to change the story a little bit in order to not have to do reshoots they just re-dubbed in this scene but they are in the middle of a
packed restaurant speaking so loudly where one of them sounds like the aliens
from Toy Story spot on yes yeah and the other one just sounds like pure
evil in voice form just so loud and no one's paying attention it is horrible a
really horrible thing to watch as well the the sounds and the movement of their mouths is very very uncomfortable right
so J and K are performing their first little Mission their first traffic stop turns out an alien is trying to drive
his alien wife out of town for some reason so that she can give birth and uh
K tells Jay you can deal with this I'll just have a chat to him uh this he ends
up getting battered around a car with a giant tentacle which is presumably I mean it's a big tentacle yeah you think
that's the wife I assume is coming out of her vagina I think you assume it fits
within the law of this movie there's a lot of what seemed to be larger aliens fitting within the skin of a human like
that cockroach is [ __ ] huge uh not that we know it's a cockroach yet uh but how it fits in Anger is in is insane
I've been calling it cockroach man for a while they say that the MIB use alien Tech in
order to fund themselves is is liposuction just how they get everything out there in order to fit themselves in
let's go we'll give you this could be I know you want me to go along with that thought that's too disgusting to press I
think I'm just going to see your face everyone would look like these Stay Puft Marshmallow Man but just form that of
fat this is a grim train of thought I'm moving up
um so the tentacle monster throws well around uh but then it gives birth to a little
cute tentacle monster yeah it throws up on it throws up on him on his only suit that's okay as a second
less suited he'll have to arrest one of the other agents
not working anyway all of all of the other employees in Men In Black are dry cleaners
from all the goop but then they head back into town and K picks up I'm really struggling between J
and K there's going to be a lot of humming and owing Tommy Lee Jones picks up a tabloid and says this is where we
get all of our leads because this is what reports the real news all the you know the true stuff any uh zeroes in on
a story about a woman who says alien stole my husband's Skin So what's the big [ __ ] screen in mibhq for then
that's looking at all of the earth just looking at celebrities yeah they get their tips from any other
tips from tablets just crap like the New York Post Yeah that's a good point
they develop the tech to zoom in on anyone on Earth at any point and then realized wow that's really useless
except for looking at this guy's wife we only got the one drone and it's just on his wife all the time
oh is that are you Reckoning drone it it absolutely is this is the scene that
everybody mentioned where he Zooms in he zoom in enhances zoom and enhances and
gets right in until based on the camera position it's 20 meters away from her I
I assumed that based on it being the 90s it was just a bit like the um massive
things on the end of cameras just go in further and closer and closer to her to the point where there's just this
massive camera lens sticking out of the sky 20 feet from her face I imagined it
was more like Labyrinth where a little Goblin came up from the pavement and then turned on his GoPro for two seconds
well there you go we got three theories there agent G [Laughter]
Ary the Goblin okay so while all this is happening well Kay's having a cheeky look at I refer to
her as his wife she's not she's a girl he was into three decades ago four
decades ago but she's never remarried so must still be interested absolutely well we learned at the end that she thinks
he's in a coma never visited him or has she and every now and again he just has
to go in the library still on the bed foreign
off he doesn't have a home he lives in a hospital she can only visit at night
um so while this is all happening uh there's an autopsy taking place on the alien print and the there's just some
woman who's doing the autopsy I don't I don't know what her name is Linda no let's go
why not necrophiliac lady get into that yeah and she's opening she's opening up
the body and she's realizing there's no organs in there it's all [ __ ] up it's not human and then J and K show up and
obviously since she's got the most fascinating thing she's ever seen in her career on the table in front of her she
gets immediately distracted and starts flirting with Will Smith she is the horniest woman ever to appear on her TV
insane in a movie screen it's crazy and to talk about what Cole was just
alluding to there after they're done floating it's cut off when she says do you know what I like to
do sometimes late at night and just before she can say I [ __ ] the dead bodies K comes over and interrupts them
anytime there is autopsy stuff every time she learns more about aliens she gets hornier when Edgar is holding her
hostage later on and she's trying to tell Jay that he's beneath her she's doing that in the horniest possible way
there are better way to do it and then she's annoyed at [ __ ] will when he doesn't know what's going on yeah yeah
she is I mean she's got a corpse grabbing onto her leg she is dripping dripping
no one mind-melding boys oh that horrible chemistry
so back in the original autopsy she opens up well actually will notices she doesn't notice the weird ear on him and
opens up its face to reveal there's a little alien inside that controls him what a fantastic prop it's a really good
prop it's the little like incredible animatronic little Ali I mean maybe it's CGI it doesn't look like it no it's not
no no they're um they made two like life-sized heads small models and then
one like 10 foot tall one for the close-ups wow it's very tiny nipples I
can't stop thinking about it since Friday when we watched the movie on the ten foot one pretty big wow the scales yeah
multiple nipple sizes it looks really good um and it kind of as it's dying because
I guess it was alive the whole time up until now and these are its last minutes of life it had to witness what she did
to its body you had to stay there and yeah feel all of that so it in its last gasps
of life it is um trying to tell them how to avoid interplanetary war and it says
to avoid war the Galaxy is on Orion's belt that's what it goes with yes this
cryptic [ __ ] well he only says belt because he read the entire dictionary
but that copy was missing the page with the word collar on because it's Will Smith who says belt and then he's like
yeah that's the one uh that's what the movie could have ended so much [ __ ] earlier if it said on Orion's collar
yeah the cat the cat they don't know its name
exactly all he had to say was save the cat that's it but no he goes with the
cryptic bollocks [ __ ] that dude that is the entire premise of this film that he decides to
be cryptic and there just so happens to be a constellation which has the same
name yeah pure coincidence I guess he doesn't speak great English it's maybe
he owns a cat he should know the word collar he should know the word cat
so the galaxies aren't Orion's collar they don't get this they have no idea what he's talking about so they just
wipe her memory twice yeah and head off leave the corpse on the table in her
hornier every single time I've also only assumed no did that yeah so one third of
this city that men in black is basting is homeless people with amnesia who used to work at Men In Black aliens and just
the horniest Maniacs who keep having their memories erased I mean she was already horny enough yeah they just made
it worse they've left her horny in a room with a corpse with another smaller corpse in it
so they head back to the office leaving the corpse on the table next to her but sending in some of the admin crew some
of the dry cleaners to sort that out we're gonna have to go back in after they've left her alone with it as well
could you yeah presume it's presumably a lot of cleanup to do
after leaving and
more memory wiping this just starts with the whole horrendous Secrets they'll do
themselves yeah I don't believe I haven't [ __ ] this body yet
it's like walking into into a room and forgetting why you've gone in there you take the sheet off the body and like
did I [ __ ] this one yet I can't put them away till I [ __ ] him
but I don't want to [ __ ] him twice but I am quite sore
oh there's the bit we'll remember for this episode excellent sake
[Laughter] they head back to the office and no one
can figure out what the cryptic clue is but it doesn't matter because all the aliens are fleeing and the I think I
wrote this down archilian the archilian battle cruiser has arrived and is
threatening to destroy the Earth in one Galactic week yes AKA one hour
because the little alien in the in the The Man suit was an arcillian Prince and
also something to do with the Galaxy on the Belt oh yeah they don't want Edgar to to take that so they'd rather destroy
the planet and make sure they kill him and destroy the Galaxy than him leave yeah okay yeah the stakes are vague but
they're there um so while they're doing that the Mr cockroach man is smashing up a jewelry
shop and then he shoots a guy who's trying to tow his car and he drives away uh jnk are also there but they failed to
stop him and yeah Jay opened fires alien technology on a busy New York street
because there's no [ __ ] training Evan all he's been told is welcome to day one
of Men In Black the world's ending in an hour there's a girl and then he fires said gun at the person
who is trying to destroy the Earth one isn't trying to destroy the world but yeah and then he goes what the [ __ ] you
doing yeah the world's ending every day you never told me that this is my first
estate maybe we can go over all this tomorrow oh no this is my last day
also when's lunch I really need to get this suit cleaned
by the way there was something sticky on that corpse I really need to get this cleaned
oh God so to get a lead on where the Cockroach
man is going they J and K go to visit Frank this is the best scene in the
movie it's the best scene in the film yeah we're going to visit Frank who is a little pug that runs a newsstand uh
somewhere in I guess Manhattan did you notice how much more normal pugs looked in the 90s oh yeah I had to Google if it
was a pug because I was like that's not available
[Laughter]
oh yeah they they made sure that everyone knew no animals not even a
cockroach were harmed in this movie because it does look real that's insane even watching it and I knew that fact
before we watched it and I was still going that's a dog he is shaking a dog right now Tommy Lee Jones is shaking
that dog it's so I wasn't sure I can tell you said that yeah I mean thank God but yeah
crazy in the name of Comedy I'll allow one dog to be shaken by Tommy Lee Jones
so Frank the talking dog lets them know what's going on why everyone's leaving yeah the Revelation just here is that
the Galaxy can be the size of a marble and then Will Smith eventually comes to
the conclusion when they get back to Men In Black uh that oh he's seen something about that size
had it been on an actual belt he would have taken it loves to steal clothes
slapping little handcuffs on the cat either loved to seen that and then Tommy Lee Jones could shake it
God I hope there's a baby in number two so we cup we cut back to the morgue
after this to catch up on cockroach man who's killing David Cross who's in this
yeah for about 10 seconds or so he shows up um kills a cockroach uh and the guy
cockroach man doesn't like that so he he goops him to the ceiling and I think kills him uh I think he's dead yeah I
think we can assume he's dead he looks pretty dead an insane amount of goop and then here we get the aforementioned
scene where yeah he's presumably walked into the morgue hidden under a table grabbed her leg for Will Smith he just
throw her around the room for a bit yeah yeah yeah flinging okay she is living her dream oh yeah for a while he's
shaking her like a dog [ __ ] just a rotten flaking man
around I'm surprised he could keep a grip on that leg when he tried to hold it I was
wondering why he didn't just kill her but because of everything we know it's probably because he thought she was a slug
some of this is getting cut but I don't know you're gonna leave all that in now so that you cut all of it oh you can't
really leave all of it it's All or Nothing Jesus Christ um but he ends up highly under the table
grabbing onto her leg when Jay walks in because he is you know he's figured out
that the cat is the key to all of this the cat with the belt on she tries to as
we've said she tries to indicate to him that there's a guy under the table that is a corpse who is grabbing who's gonna
kill her but she does that by saying that she wants to go on a date with it and she wants she's riding too high
after all she points she points directly at her vagina over and over again saying
there's something I need to show you there's something I need to show you I'd like to go with you besides she'll be
wet enough to slide out of that group in a second so she wasn't a Will Smith shut up he's
too alive can you [ __ ] off you are turning me off oh is that your pulse I can see
but after all of this after all the flirting uh cockroach man gets the cat it runs over to him he grabs the cat and
he runs away and eats the Galaxy pops it in his mouth and then he he steals a
taxi and drives away um oh and how do we know that he stole a
text I think we can skip over that by some massive assumptions made by Jay
yeah people can watch and find that out for themselves you can watch them find that out for yourself how the how Jay
figures out that he's stolen a taxi but we don't have time to get into that so
you know they've got an hour to get the Galaxy back he's just eating it he's running off to steal a UFO which has
been kind of turned into a National Monument or something I've got it written down it is the the World Expo
Observatory Towers whatever they are thank you if you're American you know what that is and that's what we're
talking about Americans know what that is I don't so yeah write in and tell us that
and those are UFOs so he's running off to steal those and fly away so they J
and K are heading after him they hop in the car press the red button and then drive across the ceiling of the tunnel
that's a fun little scene yeah done practically they really drove the
model of that tunnel okay with a model of the tunnel they didn't actually drive across the ceiling okay so they met they
made a tiny bottle of the car tiny model of the tunnel tiny model of Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in a car good it's
actually a good video on YouTube just showing you all the different models they used very cool I'm gonna watch that right after this
so they they drive through the tunnel and uh get over to where cockroach man
has now stolen the UFO and he's flying away so they open up the boot of the car
and get out to massive like alien Apple Store guns very Chrome guns in this
universe everything's very gross yeah I mean easy to make Chrome look good in CGI we see we see the pictures from the
60s when MIB was first formed and it's very B-movie aliens and b-movies flying
sources so I assume they're kind of saying all that really happened and this is a continuation of that kind of world
where there were Big Shiny guns yeah fairy Chrome yeah I guess so
um but they get them out of the car and fire at the UFO which is trying to fly away so they've so they're fire at the
UFO uh immediately blow it up with a single shot and it crashes down to earth Tommy Lee Jones screams at Will Smith
for firing his gun in public again do you not remember your training
so the UFO crashes and the Cockroach guy's fine he gets out and just heads
for the other UFO there were two of them no worries this is the scene we get the scene now oh yeah
spooky week they sell him put your hands on your head so he now looking properly
like a mangled up corpse puts his hands on the back of his head and
from the back of the head rips his skin all the way off revealing the
slimy goopy cockroach creature that was hidden inside everything so Grim three
things I want to touch on about what makes this good firstly it's how Vincent D'Onofrio delivers the line just before
he pulls the skin off it's just awesome like all the way back so great yeah but
hymns cemented himself there's a proper scary villain and something I remember very vividly from being younger two I
watched the pulling of the face off a couple of times and that is a whole practical thing [ __ ] if you get a
chance to go back and look at it it looks like a real face it's all stretched and seamed at the the back and
looks like rotting skin is awesome and three God that cockroach holds up for
when this movie was made it doesn't look awesome but it's not pretty damn good it
it's still terrifying yeah the usual thing with films of this period is
you're like oh the practice effects are great but the CGI really lets it down not in this case no that is far more of
a mimic cockroach if one were to exist yeah it actually hides in human skin
so yeah he rips off the human skin yeah flings it aside and
I assume that our previously kidnapped morgue assistant then goes and grabs that that'll be hers for later yeah Will
Smith quickly starts pulling the clothes off it they can work together on that
that's why she doesn't want the clothes yeah they're such a good team
yeah she so I should have mentioned she has been taken as a hostage by the
Cockroach so she is there but I think she's just been chucked in a tree at this point she's not really doing much
she just needed to be here to deliver the final blow in a second and be teased
for the replacement okay okay in the next movie yeah which never happens anyway she's a [ __ ] terrible choice
anyway when when will shows up to the to his job interview they say you're here
because you're the best of the best like Navy Marines NYPD they don't then go
morgue assistance not quite the same as a necklace actually took a look into why
she wasn't in the next movie uh and it's just because they felt like they couldn't write anything for her they
knew they wanted Tommy Lee Jones back and that's kind of where that ended but they wrote in that she just wanted to go
back and she missed being a morgue assistant which is why she we know yeah
so well more dead people on this job no one for
me to [ __ ] here anyway so the Cockroach now just the
Cockroach uh eats the guns that they had and then Tommy uh K chooses to get eaten
to get the guns back yeah so he stands in front of it really hopes that it eats him whole luckily it does handy of teeth
to have chewed him with but no it just gobbles him like a snake crazy that that
worked but it did and then it starts like it's not really that fussed with them it only attacks them when they get
in its way it's then just walking slowly towards the other UFO that's there yeah
by the way incidentally it was already doing that just stand back let it go you
just shot one of them out the air with you guns let your head up she's the other one again that's the only two on
the planet just let it keep going until there are none left also where are all the admin stuff from uh from Men In
Black right now surely you just send everyone to stop this cockroach no matter if they're agent letter send
everyone with a gun this is this guy's first day at least everyone else there has worked at Men In Black before and
have a vague idea of what goes on no they're all busy writing the address on business cards
I have no idea how many they have to get through all by hand I know the world is going to end today but I really said to
zed that we'd get this done too so I've got a quota to fill I'm on annual leave
I'm quitting at the end of the day [Laughter]
so he gets eaten to get the guns back and Jay uh has to distract the Cockroach
to stop it getting up into the UFO so he kicks open a bin that's full of cockroaches crazy amount of cockroaches
in that bin but okay none of them get hurt though mate important to note that none of them get hurt all off camera uh
cockroach crunching there's lots of crunchy noises while he Stomps the ground and then so he gets the big
monster cockroach back down fighting him get thrown around a little bit but then Tommy finally gets his gun blasts the
thing in half saves the day and then the woman who has now climbed down out of
the tree picks up a gun and does the same thing again this movie keeps pretending to have ended and then
doesn't end and then ends again I mean we were about three final scenes deep now this movie opens and closes that is
it somewhere in the middle around the courts [ __ ] it switches from opening
to closing and I've just lost where I am although where am I so you sound like agent it
was an emergency agency I feel like where am I today I have no idea where I
am um so she has blown him up blown up the Cockroach and then we cut back into it
yeah everything's wrapped up everything's all good now the archilians have left
Agent K is now explained he said this was my last day job's yours now you
clearly still have absolutely no idea what you're doing you've had no training that you
understand the contract but [ __ ] it you and that mental woman over there
you two are top agents now and he wipes 35 years off his memory and heads up to
assume that that lonely weird woman is still into it we're taking back yeah I
assume he gets neuralized and then just comes back around and he's sat there in his underwear because Will Smith has
taken his suit well Will Smith does try to make a
change to a uniform because he turns up on his assumingly second day with his now I mean part at some point yeah at
some point in the last day he's arrested a priest yeah I'm glad that that does not feature in
Men In Black 2 or any of the others just awful stuff and she uh the woman who I
still don't know the name of and then she's also dressed like a matrix reject they both are and then the final quote
so that's closing number two or three yeah closing number four we zoom out and zoom out and zoom out oh and our galaxy
is inside another marble with a marble with a Galaxy in it in it yeah and that
that marble was just marble sized that was a power source that could be used to power an entire Army whereas this marble
that we're all actually inside of is just a marble it's just a Marvel insane
a big alien is playing something with marbles in Bangladesh
who's that reference for just you guys absolutely nobody thank [ __ ] that's the end Men In Black
yeah can I that was it introduce you to a very different version of this movie
have you seen who was originally considered for the main two parts Arnold
Schwarzenegger and Arnold Schwarzenegger unfortunately not I would watch that so for Jay they considered Chris O'Donnell
I think his name is who was Robin in the rubber suit nipples Batman and Robin movie from the 90s okay all right or
David Schwimmer wow Ross from friends for Jay
for Jay I could see that because like people think that Jay is playing the
straight man who's like kind of flabbergasted by what's going on I think David Truman would do quite well in that
part you know he's got a bit more breadth to his acting than Ross that's
fair I mean I hope he would still wear all the same clothes that Will Smith wore in this though
oh I would love that okay yeah
and they're we're gonna have Clint Eastwood as K which I know they wanted Tommy Lee Jones to
play the straight men in this but I think the extent to which Clint Eastwood would have taken that just wouldn't be
funny Tommy Jones is perfect for this oh that's incredible yeah no one could have been a dog like him
yeah insisted because he'd have also directed this insisted on that and do you know who was
considered to direct it Quentin Tarantino I would watch that film that
would have been interesting all the aliens have really sexy feet that's just what I think that would be like there's
bits in this um there's a running gag in this movie of Tommy Lee Jones referring to Will Smith as agent black yeah Dr
White it would have been far more on the nose of Quentin Tarantino made that film either drop some bums yeah oh they're
meant some bombs dropped here they would have known that they'd stolen a taxi yeah yeah
um is that it does that wrap up the I think that wraps up no I've probably got another hour here oh wonderful let's get
into some bad reviews shall we well since I've cut out that hour um I've
I can't really call it bad reviews it's bad review saying yes I'll read it out this one it's a half star review as
usual Will Smith should stick to shark type movies as this is a pitiful attempt
at a spiritual successor to Shark Tale there isn't even a single shark in this movie hashtag not Shark Tale and that
was written by Shark Tale fan
laughs well I haven't thought about Shark Tale since it came out that is crazy it's all
right nobody has except for Shark Tale Factor working at the car wash it's all coming back now
okay well that's bad reviews turn and that means we're at the all-important
question that Samuel says it was your mute your movie pity
so do you think that was good do you oh no that's not it so you think that was
good do you yes that's it I think that's all I have to say yeah it was good like I mean yes of
course we've shout all over the film as we tend to do we like it we are pointing out the
absurdity of their universes it's pointed out the absurdity of the universe yeah there's a lot of weird stuff that doesn't really scan in here
maybe not as big a fan of Will Smith as I used to be but doesn't ruin the film Tommy Lee Jones is amazing awesome
Vincent didn't know whatever his her name is is puts in such such a good
performance it's crazy and yeah it's just good fun the plot doesn't really make that much sense but I don't think
it needs to with lots of these movies from this time period I I don't think the plot needs to
make much sense they're just a good romp aren't they I can't really add too much onto what you're saying but just agree
with you a great movie good fun Vincent D'Onofrio baby Carl yeah
great film good time all around thank you boys such insights we bring
it's hard for the good ones people know what it is yeah
I love [ __ ] on a movie more than I love loving it oh god let's end this I'm very tired thank you so much for
listening and thank you boys for joining me that's fine don't forget to leave us a
five star review and follow us over it so you thinkpod on Twitter Sam isn't here next week so we'll likely
be doing something a little bit different so keep your eyes out for that until then goodbye